A user came to me conversationally one day, talking about the advances in wireless solutions and handheld computing, and at first the conversation seemed quite intelligent and informed. I happily shared with him my thoughts about the market, my beliefs about coming trends and potential bottlenecks to progress, and so forth. He nodded, smiled, offered vague but promising thoughts in reply, and then caught me completely off guard with his next question: "So I can get rid of my desktop and go wireless, right?"

Figuring he was being hypothetical -- and making some broad assumptions about what sorts of things he needed to do -- I said, "Probably, yes. It depends on what you need to do, of course." HUGE mistake. The next thing I knew, my team received a call to take away his desktop computer, and "install all his software on his new wireless." He had purchased a Windows CE handheld -- a particularly non-mainstream model without much support -- and wanted to do away with his desktop PC completely.

Unfortunately, his job required him to use several custom Word templates, Outlook in Corporate Workgroup mode with several add-on applets, and a few other programs that did not exist for CE. I explained to him that he would not be able to do his job without a PC, and that the software we used would not run on a handheld. I also did my best to explain that, as far as I knew, his device was not 'wireless ready' since it did not include a modem or NIC of any kind, nor did I believe one was made for the model he bought.

This was not acceptable to him at all, and he became quite angry and hostile. He insisted that he "paid extra" for "a Windows one" to be sure it would work, and pointed to the Pocket Word icon. "See?" he all but shouted. "It runs Windows just fine. I don't care what rules you have about licensing, you put all my applications onto the wireless right now!"

I tried reasoning with him. I explained again that Windows 2000 and Windows CE were different operating systems. I showed him the storage memory (16 megabytes total) and explained that even if the applications were compatible, they wouldn't fit into the handheld's limited storage. And I explained to him that the handheld PC he bought was not "wireless," had no capacity to be "wireless," and that if someone had told him it was "wireless ready" or even "wireless upgradable" I would very much like to talk to them to find out why.

He seemed to take this well, then later that day, my direct supervisor (the VP) called me down to ask me what was going on. The individual in question had ranted to him for half an hour asking why a "technically stupid" and "clearly incompetent" person was running the company's IT department, that I told him "wildly implausible" stories to prevent him from "going wireless" like "everyone else." His theory was that I was "angry that the company wouldn't buy me a wireless," and I was trying to sabotage his use of one.

I suggested a three-way conference, face to face, to resolve the matter. All parties agreed. I drew up a list of statements, quotes, and accusations, and prepared to address them, one by one.

Over the course of two and a half excruciating hours, we spoke. I ascertained the depth of his lunacy. He believed that, because most other versions of Windows were compatible (he cited the presence of Solitaire on "all systems he'd ever seen" as proof), Windows CE must be fully compatible with Windows 2000. Because it "didn't make sense" to him that the system only had 16 megabytes of memory, he assumed it was a misprint.

The coup de grace, however, was when I asked him what made him think the handheld PC he bought was "wireless." Did someone tell him that it was? Smugly, he held up the unit, and shouted at me, "DO YOU SEE ANY WIRES ATTACHED? I DIDN'T THINK SO!" Apparently, he believed the absence of physical cabling made it a "wireless device." When I asked him how he thought it communicated with anything else, he answered, "The infrared port connects to a satellite, and I get broadband speeds."

This was too much to bear. I said nothing more, save pleasantries. The fellow left the company a few months later. I can only assume he's standing on a mountaintop somewhere, infrared port skyward, opening Pocket Explorer and wondering if it would work if he tipped his hand a little.